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In a letter titled Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress, written in 1745, Benjamin Franklin tells his youthful friend that the best decision he can make in life with regard to women is to GET MARRIED. Don't start thinking that old Ben is a prudish conservative though, he does mention the "bag over the head" technique in his letter. He justifies his argument for marriage in saying that no man is complete without the "softness, sensibility and acute discernment" of a female. Valid Benny, valid. But before you run out there and get hitched, he also says that if the young man should choose not to heed his advice and wants to venture into a life of blissful promiscuity, that the company of older women should be his preference. I think we could all take a note or two from Mr. Franklin, because when going after the elusive female, the only thing better than having money is having money with your own face on it. Here are his top eight reasons YOU should bed down with a mature mistress. ...But if you will not take this counsel, and persist in thinking that commerce with the sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former advice that in your amours you should prefer old women to young ones. This you call a paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these: 1. Because as they have more knowledge of the word and their minds are better stor'd with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable. 2. Because when women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they suppy the dimunition of beauty by the augmentation of utility. They learn to do 1000 services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old woman who is not a good woman. 3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience. 4. Because through more experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting and intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclined to excuse an old woman who would kindly take care of a young man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes. 5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of tthe fluids that fill the muscles appears first in the highest part: the face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: so that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the dark all cats are grey, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement. 6. Because the sin is less. The debauching of a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy. 7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflections; none of which can attend the making an old woman happy. 8th and lastly. They are so grateful! Thus much for my paradox. But still I advise you to marry immediately; being sincerely Your Affectionate Friend, Benjamin Franklin |
